It is so difficult to let go and let God. I have been tempted and tried so many times, I just wonder what the end result will be.
I am so tired, Lord. I feel like I am chasing an invisible dream and purpose. I can't see where I am going. Father, please be specific and clear. What do you want me to do?
As I end the day, I cannot deny the fact that there was only but one person in my mind the whole time.He filled my seconds, minutes and hours, from the time my dad and I exchanged opinions in a famous restaurant at the heart of UP to the long afternoon spent in singing songs to the Lord. When I woke up from bed this morning, I felt a sudden rush of bleakness as I saw dark clouds coming in from my window. I cautiously made sure that he will no longer be invading the little space in my mind, else I know I will go crazy all over again.
When dad and I stopped by Ateneo to check some shirts, I found myself deciding whether to buy him a dark blue shirt with an Ateneo logo designed like a Philippine flag or this other shirt with colorful letters spelling out a cheer. He will be turning 22 soon and I unconsciously started counting the money I have left in my wallet and carefully plotted my plan to 'LBC' my special delivery. I was rehearsing the plan in my mind the whole morning as every single Ateneo product I got a hold of reminded me of him even though he did not have a single drop of blue in him. The thought of college, UAAP and university halls triggered my imagination of him. It was painful, crazy and devastating.
When I took a bite of my sweet temptation in UP, I relentlessly started telling my dad stories of how painful my previous school years were. Though they saw how good I was in my academics, the rarely saw my monochromatic episodes which happened continuously in various themes and scenes throughout my four years in college. I kept telling him how I was never really happily single from first to fourth year. Though I was not always attached to someone, I was not necessarily uninvolved. All my past relationships and flings were the unsuccessful yang of my triumphant ying. They were just tremendously horrible as compared to my okay performance in school. My dad started telling me that in his opinion, I could have excelled more in my studies if only I did not get distracted. I would have truly graduated with honors, cum laude even, if I just put my academics in the pedestal instead of unnecessary relationships which led to terrible heartaches.
To my dismay, his name and face popped during the course of my conversation with dad. I started relating to him how much I truly loved this guy even more than I can imagine. He was the very arrow that stroke my achille's heel. He was the main thing of my last two years in college. The very person who broke my heart the most and left it broken, until now. Though I was the one who had the last say in our so-called "uncommitted relationship", I still held him responsible for crushing my heart. In my mind, ending all communication with him will help me live a healthy life but the past days and months resulted otherwise.
My parents never met him and never talked to him, even once. My mom must have said one word of 'hello' to him one time she tried miscalling his number on my phone when she found out about our secret fling. He never set foot in our house to meet them and I was never able to introduce him to them in a mall or anywhere for that matter. He was the 'invisible man' my parents heard of but never laid eyes on.
I thought my tragic story that morning was the end of it. By the time we got home, I forgot about his existence. But when I went to church and started singing to Jesus and hearing more about His word, that's when his presence was made known to me again. Instead of crying for my own sins and asking God for forgiveness, I asked God to forgive his and release him from his transgressions. For once, I was not thinking about the bondage I was going through because of him and asking God to release me from it. I, instead found myself crying out to Him hoping for a miracle that may be just may be, God will reveal Himself to the one I still love. It was no longer a prayer and plea to eventually get us together but a desperation and a cry to God that someday I will see him in eternity. I want to be with him in heaven so badly more than seeing his face, feeling his hug and hearing him whisper the words, "I Love You." Then I knew, this was no longer infatuation...it was love. It's impossible that there will even be an 'us' today or tomorrow. There was never even an "US" yesterday...but I do pray that there will be an "US" in the next lifetime.
To you, wherever you are and whatever you are doing, know that in my heart, the feelings never changed.
Sorry if I keep changing the layout. Naiinis ako, naiba nagulo yung format dun sa previous!
I just got her reply regarding my message which I posted in one of my previous entries.
I got so inspired.........
I am so tired and so I cannot write a decent description. This will do for now.
Hi, Lica,
Thanks for sharing this with me. I hope you don't mind that I shared this with Tito Sonny.
Alam mo ba, you actually encouraged us with your email. Kasi Tito Sonny is going through a lot of challenges in the workplace, and what you shared has also reminded him that (and this is what he wants me to share with you):
* a closed door is meant to be directive, ie, the Lord is directing you not to pursue a particular direction
* and then he said that when we go through pain, whether pain from rejection or pain from anywhere else where we have no real control, that time can be very precious in your life, because it is a time when you can go to God and genuinely allow God to carry the pain with us. You will find out later in life that those moments are so significant because you have experienced God in a deep experiential way. In short, malalim ang magiging pagkakilala mo kay Lord.
As we talked about this, I remembered a song from Joseph the Dreamer (there is a soundtrack from that musical and you might want to check it out) which goes like this: "When God closes a door, He opens a window..." There is also another song from the same musical which goes like this: "In moments like these, I lift up my hands..." Baka you can also check the songs from the internet.
Ako naman, I was looking back to my own job searching days. First of all, I remembered I didn't find a job right away. I had to wait for a few months. Secondly, I didn't know what job to take too. Kasi, I have an AB Journalism course, and I didn't intend to practise journalism, so I ended up trying one job after another...It would have been a lot different if I took up a course like nursing, or med tech, where the choices would have been limited by the course. Your advantage, Lica, is you have the Lord whom you can consult, and ask for direction. Di ba He promised, "You will hear a voice behind your ear, saying 'this is the way; walk in it'." He also promised, He will guide you with His eye upon you. So, God will certainly give you the wisdom to know which direction to take.
I was also thinking: How about if you think from a bigger point of view? What do you think God would want you to be in the longterm? Do you see yourself being a career woman like your mom? Or do you see yourself homeschooling your kids (Lord willing!), and being a fulltime mom?
If so, how will you prepare for this while waiting for the right job? How do you think God would like you to use this time of waiting? What are your other options -- is going into business an option? What skills do you need to hone? Computer skills -- learn MYOB etc? Cooking? Homemaking? I know your house is very efficiently run, but can you add something of value? Are further studies an option? I hope I am not getting you mixed up, but the point is, you can think bigger than not getting a job now. Think ahead. Think big. Think in terms of God's plan for your life in the long term.
Let me know your thoughts on the above...
You will be alright, Lica. Remember, you are the apple of His eye, and you are very precious in His eyes.
Love you,
Tita Adele (& Tito Sonny)
take this into consideration. His speech was the best thing that happened to me today.
Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.
The Transcript
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.
This is a letter I made for my tita in Australia. I just felt so down that I needed to talk to someone.
Dear Tita Adele,
How are you?? I hope all is well with you and tito Sonny.
I want to write you a letter because God has been teaching me a lot of things lately. There were a lot of lessons I had to learn the hard way.
1) Sadly, I was not able to reach that interview with pastor Peter so I won't be able to tell him about tito Sonny hehe. In less humorous words, I did not make the exam. I don't know which part I failed and could not understand why God did not make me pass it. It was mostly EQ and konti lang yung comprehension and aptitude. Made me wonder why I was not for CCF - I was either not intelligent enough or my personality was just not for the job? There were a lot of things in my mind the moment I received the text message. I wanted to cry in Glorietta in front of my dad but sa kakikayan ko, I did not want to look like a raccoon after smudging my eyeliner haha. Thing is tita, I just felt so bad. It made me think that I am just not good enough or intelligent enough because I keep failing company examinations. I only passed two out of the many that I took. I definitely thought something was wrong with me. Other people made it! the CCF staff made it! why can't I make it?? It was a long day of spirit searching. Then again, my parents comforted me by saying that it really was not for me and that the reason why we loved it there is because it's near and the environment is safe. Nothing more, nothing less. Still I wonder, is that the real reason why God closed the door? or is there something else. He has not told me yet.
2) I am having a hard time waiting for the right job to come along. Parang I feel like I am wasting my time. I am trying to do productive things pero parang hindi pa enough. Thing is, my parents are not even worried! good thing they are not pressuring me because they know it will come in its right time. Funny nga kasi hirit sa akin ni mommy palagi, "okay lang yan Lica, hanap ka lang ng hanap, good thing na we still have more time together before you find a good job." I guess she's right. If it does happen then I won't be able to spend more time with them. Tita, is this normal? I feel so insignificant and inefficient. I am so embarrassed to tell anyone because they might think I am being melodramatic. But it's really a difficult stage for me now. I don't know where path God is leading me and somehow He's been silent. It scares me at times.
3) I recently came across Steve Jobs' 2005 Commencement Speech in Stanford University and I was uplifted at some point. He said, "I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle." Thing is, I still don't know what I want haha. I still don't know what I am really good at. All those years in college did not make up my mind on what I really want to do. Again, it scares me. What am I going to do? hmm. I can't even 'annoy' my parents with this question, my constant worry will just make things worse. I am trying to find my niche in other companies as I started applying again. Is it really this hard? sadly, i am not used to hardship haha. My parents brought me up that way and that fact scares me also! haha. My friends are used to trials and challenges so I am guessing they'll do great and reach places...ako kasi I am so sheltered...i don't know what will happen to me once I hit the real world. Waah. Creating this e-mail is making me feel down as well hahaha. I hope I did not put you down with my discouraged attitude. I want to be lively again...I am trying.
I don't know how to close this haha. Umm...I guess I am crazy for feeling this way...after my mom's handful of encouragements. She and dad have been the best confidence boosters...I really don't know what I will do without them. I really feel so loved with you people around. You..mommy, daddy, tita Dit, tita Mariz...you've been like family to me :) Thanks for knowing that I can make it and I will make it with God's strength.
I love you, tita. Come home soon. We miss you. We've been praying for your return!!
Hi to tito Sonny. Thanks for always praying for me, I know that even if God is silent, He is already working on a miracle for my life and for the lives of those I love.
yours truly,
Lica
At the end of a horrible day, all I needed to hear was my dad's assurance : "I am proud of you, no matter what."
It's not the end but rather a wonderful beginning to a story that is yet to be told. Life does not have to be lived on shortcommings.
There is always hope in Him.
Tibayan lang yan ng loob.
Will you rise up, pick up your mat and follow Him?
Good night everyone.
Start of a new day, start of a new life at dawn.
I just had breakfast with my old friend, Micky. After dawnwatch, we went to Delifrance. We had some catching up to do and basically we talked about relationships and love (the usual girl conversation).
While I was listening to her, it made me think about my personal issues as well. It's funny because the theme of my whole morning was about matters of the heart.The events of the past 4 hours intertwined with each other.
First, Poch Relucio's message revolved around Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." He made us realize our deepest desires and if these were in line with God's plan in our lives. We really don't know what His plans for us are, but more or less, we have an idea of what He wants us to do. Some way or another, our heartstrings are connected to His. We're His children, He already knows how we feel even before we tell Him and we in turn already know the heart of our God if we are faithful to the reading of His word.
If I can recall it right, his points were:
- Know your God
- Examine your Heart and,
- Yield to God's will
I admit my prayers would revolve on three main things: the success and good health of my parents, my consistency in my relationship with God and to be faithful in waiting for His blessings to unfold. Honestly, there are two blessings I have been asking God for - a stable career and a honest to goodness godly relationship with someone. I am not even ashamed to admit that. But I know the latter part if far from happening because it's not yet time.
But I know God is faithful to His promises. I know it may come in a different package at a different time but I know He knows what's best for me. It's really hard to mouth such words as it is hard believing them but I do pray that my faith will not falter.
Going back to Micky's story, it made me realize that sometimes it is easier to pursue a non-believer. It's because you know that God is also speaking to Him; thing is sometimes you know what He is telling him and oftentimes you don't. Also, we girls must take good care of such guys because they are men of God. We must be careful of our words and actions and see to it that they won't stumble because of us. It's really hard to be above reproach at times, especially to a christian. Like you, they already have set standards that are sometimes hard to attain.
I have been through different issues with different non-believers and though I had the time of my life, I still felt incomplete. What am I trying to say? I got lost in my own train of thought hehe.
Basically, what I am saying is that I am trying to move on from that bondage. I am patiently waiting for the right time and the right person. It's just hard to be in an environment where you are highly encouraged to attach yourself to the next possible mate.It is also the same with waiting for the right job! as my friends are already earning their own salary, it results to me doubting God's timing. But I am really praying for God's strength and will for my life. He deserves the utmost Glory and obedience no matter how impossible it is. I love my, Lord. I want to please Him with all that I am, no matter how painful it is.
Micky opened my eyes to stay faithful to Him. Sayang, I missed the opportunity to tell her that.
I know it won't be long till I actually write about my first job here. Till then, this is my story but it is far from being finished yet. It's only just beginning! Besides, I am only 21 years old.
I will leave you with this song. It's Muli by Bamboo and I truly loved the melody, the lyrics and the video! Micky let me watch this kanina at the Jzone office while waiting for my ride home. Enjoy!
Things did not turn out the way I want them to. I just felt so low awhile ago but this song lightened my mood. It came to me in the most unique package as I found myself watching a tribute to a former batchmate who died a year ago. The video made me smile as I got to see her smiling face again. With a collage of pictures was this song that I just can't help listening to.
Hope you'll enjoy it just like I did.
just CAN'Tfollow directions. Sadly, it sometimes includes me but anyway, I just got pissed of A LITTLE today.
I was fixing our dinner for later. My d-group's coming over and praise God for that! I was busy in the kitchen and I truly appreciate our help for being available to help me with the preparations. The thing with me is that I love doing everything - from the food preparations to the actual cooking and the washing of the dishes haha. Abnormal. I love to rely solely on myself.
Ayon, may kapalpakan nga, like I envisioned. Simple instruction lang, she was not able to follow. Well actually, I don't want to blame her naman, I know she was just trying to help. I guess nagkaroon lang talaga kami ng miscommunication. So there, I got really pissed pero I am not the kind of person who bursts into anger. Instead, I took a deep breath and cried a little haha. I couldn't let it out kasi, I just didn't want to have that bad image. So ayon. I just let it pass and make use of what was already in front of me. Whooo.Effective pala yun!When you're on the verge of bursting, just take a number deep breaths pero kung hindi mo talaga matiis! go for it! haha kidding. Thank God I did not let out my emotions. That will be something!! I have never seen myself really angry. So I just hope nobody tests me in that area, I can really be unpredictable. I haven't seen that side of me yet.
Major casualties: Na-overcook yung sides ng brownies! ang hirap tangalin sa pan! rarr. Kulang yung ulam! I need to rush to Tiendesitas to buy Barbecue.
Minor casualties:the usual cuts and burns! haha. I am an accident prone area but I am used to it haha. ANG SAKIT!haha yun lang.
Parang baliktad! hahaha
Funneh Photo of the Day!
Check out Mariah Carey's Eminem haha!
Ang pagkakaalam ko kasi, walang goateee si Eminem! haha. She looks more like Fred Durst, don't you think?
Fashion icon of the day
Rachel Bilson!! If I were given a chance to be in the shoes of any celebrity for a day! it would be her!! Can I be you, Rachel??
Oh and Lauren Conrad!!
My happy song for the day.
Gravity - John Mayer
John Mayer is Love.
I would love to be serenaded with his songs.
I'm Out.
Time for more serious business.
By the way, I am a purple child haha!
I just finished my homework for our d-group discussion tomorrow and I just could not help but share what I have learned. Jo instructed us to list some of the lies that we have come to believe and counteract it with verses from the bible.
Here are some of the lies I have been imprisoned to and the verses I have come to find as bullets for my weapons in battle:
1)Fear of being different; fear of living my faith and being unpopular as a result of this
2 Timothy 1:7
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” (NIV)
“God doesn’t want us to be shy with His gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.” (The Message)
2)Worry and waiting about things that have not yet been revealed
Mark 11:24
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours.” (NIV)
It’s amazing that it does not say “WHEN YOU RECEIVE” instead, is states “YOU HAVE RECEIVED”. We really need to claim it by faith, that God is a ‘Rewarder’ of all things.
“That’s why I urge you to pray absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you’ll get God’s everything (The Message).
Note that with God there are no such things as shallow issues or too complicated problems. Present anything and absolutely EVERYTHING to Him and He will bear ALL WITH YOU. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. WE ARE NOT ALONE.
3)Being hunted by the past hurts and consequences
1 John 1:9
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (NIV)
“If we admit our sins- make a clean breast of them – he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing.” (The Message)
There are more actually but I am really sleepy. I just wanted to share a few. Maybe I can share more tomorrow.
Lastly, I did not intend to find this but I did. I came across one of my high school batchmate's original composition!! Dates back to senior year!! This girl is so talented! I knew she will go this far!! Go Liz!Ang dami kong naalala sa song na toh. It was a year full of successful and unsuccessful achievements! 4th year...a bittersweet year for me. It was the year when I first gave my heart away hahaha. My very first childhood relationship. Anyway, there's no use reminiscing about that now.Not ever.
kahapon - liz lorenzo
Gosh. I just realized how busy my day will be tomorrow!! Re-editing my tita's files. Then preparing food for my d-group and then the d-group itself! why am I still up? gah. I can do this.
I was browsing for some videos for my next attempt at another project when I came across this! I didn't know there was one deleted scene in Little Manhattan! I love this movie so much!! Sayang they took away this scene, this could have been a lovely addition to the film. I love the song too! I wonder what the title is and who sang it.
Enjoy.
Also, I heard this song kanina while I was shopping for a shirt. I completely forgot about this song! I was reminded of this year's American Idol Kris Allen! I was really hoping he'd win and he did! This song is amazing! Search for the studio version!
No Boundaries - Kris Allen
And and!!
this song...
This is the soundtrack of my day. Don't search for the acoustic version, may pagka-emo eh. Look for the tempo one! Well maganda rin pala! in its own way.
In memory of what we used to call in Love.
I need to brush up on my reading.
Good night everyone.
Have a fun evening ahead!
Makes me wonder, who reads my entries anyway? haha.
Thanks for reading them! whoever you are.
I have so much to tell you and I don’t even know where to start. This day was full of significant realizations but my “topsy turvy” brain makes it difficult for me to process a clear complete thought. Perhaps, I’ll start at the beginning like I always do.
I had an amazing Sunday even though my head was feeling a little heavy due to my lack of sleep. Again. What’s new. Pastor Peter gave an insightful message! Like he always does. We focused on the book of John; chapter 5 to be exact. It gave me a whole new perspective on waiting – waiting for a suitable career, potential God’s best and a deluge of blessings.
Pastor Peter started off by reminding us that Christianity is not a religion but rather a living relationship with Jesus. Our church, Christ Committed Fellowship is helping people to follow Jesus. We are all ought to be Christ Committed Followers. We will soon be celebrating our 25th anniversary on August 30!! At the Araneta Colliseum! I was shocked that we will be having two separate services, one at 10 am the other at 3 pm! It overwhelms me to think that we can no longer fit ourselves in one service! Amazing! We are already that many! And to think it was only 25 years ago when our church started in a small house in Makati ( I think). God you are truly awesome!
He went on telling us that Jesus is an All Sufficient God who is faithful to bless us if we are willing to wait.
Matthew 6:33 says, “but seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (NIV)
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” (The Message)
Pastor Peter had three important points but I will share the one that struck me the most.
The All Sufficient God does not exempt us from testing
There are just certain lessons we will never learn until we go through it ourselves.
When God tests us, He wants us to learn thus we need to have a positive attitude towards testing. Testing is always there to build us up.
It’s hard noh? Even I am struggling about it. Who wants testing? You will have to be a retard to bask in its idea! C’mon! But once we get the whole picture that we are being readied for an even better life after this journey, we will never look at problems the way we usually do.
1 Corinthians 10:18 says, “no temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.” (NIV)
“No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; He’ll always be there to help you come through it.” (The Message)
This has always been real for me. There were gazillion of times where in I was tested immensely to the point that I felt like I was failing God in whatever I do but His Saving Grace always reminded me that I don’t have to rely on my own power to battle the deceptions of the Devil. He and all the heavens are there to back me up even if I have to go through it all by myself. Often times, my parents or other people for that matter, do not really know or understand what I am going through but God was always there to tell me that He knows and that He cares.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, “praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”(NIV)
“All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.” (The Message)
I have come to believe this is true as well. I have questioned God thousands of times before, why I had to undergo such sufferings knowing that I do not deserve them in the first place. Then I knew, I can serve as a channel of comfort to those who went through the same struggles as I did. I know that the problems I had before may or may not compare to what other people have experienced but, shallow or not as they may seem…they were difficult enough for me. I am ready to lift up my burdens to God so that I can help other people carry their yokes of slavery. It does not have to be a lifetime suffering! It will always have an end if we want to be freed from it.
Lastly, he also talked about surrender. We will never understand His grace until we let go of the substitutes. I have always been weak at this area. I am such a people person even though I can appear rather timid and quiet. I have used other people as my anchor to an already shaky world.
In my former long list of potential husband, I had this wrong notion that when this right person comes, he will fill in the void that has been preventing me from being ETERNALLY happy. But pastor Peter told us that all human beings have the potential of disappointing us just as we have the capability to fail other people. It’s just the way we are! That is how we came to be the moment Eve allowed herself to be tempted. I know my future husband cannot complete me just as I cannot complete him. We have God for that. I truly thank Him for His existence that makes all things work for the good!
I then changed my long list to a top 7 must haves in a godly Christian husband.
Next time, I'll post them here.
In a nutshell...
High point:Hearing a certain someone say, "...e di madalas na kita makikita jan ngayon?" Dies. Goes to heaven for a second. Comes back to earth. Haaaay. Hanggang ngayon nakangiti pa rin talaga ako! if you only knew how much you made me smile today! then I am dead haha
Low point:None really except that my tummy hurts. Dysmmenorrhea.
Prayer Request: Job for me and my lovely friends!
I am obsessing over this video haha.
I am such a fan of Leighton Meester. Who thought she could sing, huh?
My friend, Faye, was the first one who introduced me to this song and I fell in love with it instantly. I love the beat, if only I could dance to it haha.
Boy, you're dangerous
Yeah, you're that guy(That guy)
I'd be stupid to trust
Yeah, you're the first thing that came to mind, M. I know you loved that bad influence on me.
You'll be the first and last real bad boy on my list.
I guess that "type" has a deadline for me after all.
Good night everyone.
Have a fun rainy evening.
5) I went with my mom and dad to this scrapbook sale bonanza! Never have I seen such many artsy fartsy paraphernalia for the scrapbook aficionados. Dami. There were tables in each corner of the Valle Verde Clubhouse and each table had its own display of arts and crafts. There were ‘moms’ everywhere and I would say that my dad was the only existing male in the whole space. I think there was one more guy but he left the place much earlier than we did. Hindi siguro natiis? Haha! The good thing with my dad is that you can drag him anywhere and you will never hear a faint voice of complaining from him. Oh before that, I got to drive Marcus! I just had to take him on a spin. My parents said otherwise but being the spoiled only child that I am, they couldn’t resist my plea. Besides,sayang naman ang gas kapag hindi ginagamit diba? Haha!
Guess what? I could not resist the temptation of buying such cute scrapbook papers for my mini project that I have failed to notice since the day I started working on it. Whoa, nakakapagod basahin yun haha. I am that kind of person, I never seem to finish anything I have started…except school! Haha. That’s my only finished achievement!
I also saw some fellow knollers, one was Leica Odulio and the other was Nina Calso. Being the snob that I am, I wasn’t able to say hi. I did not feel like doing so. Sama eh haha. Blame it on the PMS, babe. Sorry. Besides, I am not really close to them.
4) I got to eat at Becky’s!! the sweet shop near the clubhouse. I ate a Chicken Asparagus sandwich! One of the best sandwiches I have ever tasted! Yumm. I also had a lovely view of boys playing basketball. It then reminded me of my childhood kalandian days when I would look out of our window to spy on this guy I once obsessed about and now I don’t even know why I cared about him. My dad ate this apple pie while mom ate a prune cake which was also scrumptious! I ate ¼ of her sweet delight. Takaw eh! Blame it on the PMS again! Haha. Dad and I ordered coffee to complement the cool weather. Hindi pumasa ang lasa kay daddy and I agree, it could have been stronger. I am a big coffee drinker, thanks to him. I have drunk various kinds of coffee – from Barako, to Civet to Brewed to Americano, Cappuccino, well you get the picture.
3) Hm. I have been thinking of deleting my Facebook aside from my plan of deleting my multiply, which has not happened yet. I have this withdrawal syndrome when it comes to things that are of value to me. Both social networks possess loads of pictures and entries which signify my immaturity and quest for development. But while I get myself connected to people who matter in my life, it also ties me tightly into the world which makes me immune to a lifestyle that I should not possess. I want clean living which might include deleting them. I want to retain my Twitter account and this! I love my blog, why should I delete it as well? I don’t care if people read it or not, it’s some form of release for me and being able to write everyday is such a sweet pleasure!
2) I blew dried my hair and now I look as though I am wearing a black hairy helmet! It was just too much. I wanted to look nice tomorrow because it’s Sunday (not that I have a reason to look good at all) but I just wanted to look a little different? Uh, epic fail! Whatever I do, my look will remain the same for as long as I live.
Anyway, I guess it’s a good attempt! I went from lugay, to half pony and because both looks did not work for me, I went with the usual ponytail! It’s been 2 months since I last let my hair down. But now, thanks to gay hairstylists ( I am not being stereotypical, it's clearly what they are! sorry PMS again.) my outrageous hair wants to remain tied! So, I let it be.
1) I am studying our handouts for Monday’s d-group. Yey, it will be held here!! It’s hard discussing in a mall:
a) sometimes your personal stories have immediate soundtracks, thanks to restaurant radios
b) you always have this fear that you will be asked to leave because it’s time to close the vicinity.
c) people are just instruments of distraction even if they don’t intend to be one! You cannot avoid the couples’ PDAs, loud women chismis, and random weird people around the area. It’s just too much commotion and yes I am that observant. Either that or I get distracted easily.
So anyway, I had the chance to be OC again. I miss my colored pens, ruler, highlighter, post-its! I feel so accomplished whenever I use them for my handouts! Feeling ko, and sipag ko! Haha. Well, effort nga naman kasi mag-highlight at mag-sulat ng mini notes sa margins haha.
And still, I am stuck with the thought whether I should delete my Facebook or not…
Ang pagkakaalam ko kasi, walang goateee si Eminem! haha. She looks more like Fred Durst, don't you think?
Fashion icon of the day
Rachel Bilson!! If I were given a chance to be in the shoes of any celebrity for a day! it would be her!! Can I be you, Rachel??
Oh and Lauren Conrad!!
My happy song for the day.
My friend, Faye, was the first one who introduced me to this song and I fell in love with it instantly. I love the beat, if only I could dance to it haha.
Boy, you're dangerous
Yeah, you're that guy(That guy)
I'd be stupid to trust
Yeah, you're the first thing that came to mind, M. I know you loved that bad influence on me.
You'll be the first and last real 
Guess what? I could not resist the temptation of buying such cute scrapbook papers for my mini project that I have failed to notice since the day I started working on it. Whoa, nakakapagod basahin yun haha. I am that kind of person, I never seem to finish anything I have started…except school! Haha. That’s my only finished achievement!
I also saw some fellow knollers, one was Leica Odulio and the other was Nina Calso. Being the snob that I am, I wasn’t able to say hi. I did not feel like doing so. Sama eh haha. Blame it on the PMS, babe. Sorry. Besides, I am not really close to them.
4) I got to eat at Becky’s!! the sweet shop near the clubhouse. I ate a Chicken Asparagus sandwich! One of the best sandwiches I have ever tasted! Yumm. I also had a lovely view of boys playing basketball. It then reminded me of my childhood kalandian days when I would look out of our window to spy on this guy I once obsessed about and now I don’t even know why I cared about him. My dad ate this apple pie while mom ate a prune cake which was also scrumptious! I ate ¼ of her sweet delight. Takaw eh! Blame it on the PMS again! Haha. Dad and I ordered coffee to complement the cool weather. Hindi pumasa ang lasa kay daddy and I agree, it could have been stronger. I am a big coffee drinker, thanks to him. I have drunk various kinds of coffee – from Barako, to Civet to Brewed to Americano, Cappuccino, well you get the picture.
3) Hm. I have been thinking of deleting my Facebook aside from my plan of deleting my multiply, which has not happened yet. I have this withdrawal syndrome when it comes to things that are of value to me. Both social networks possess loads of pictures and entries which signify my immaturity and quest for development. But while I get myself connected to people who matter in my life, it also ties me tightly into the world which makes me immune to a lifestyle that I should not possess. I want clean living which might include deleting them. I want to retain my Twitter account and this! I love my blog, why should I delete it as well? I don’t care if people read it or not, it’s some form of release for me and being able to write everyday is such a sweet pleasure!
2) I blew dried my hair and now I look as though I am wearing a black hairy helmet! It was just too much. I wanted to look nice tomorrow because it’s Sunday (not that I have a reason to look good at all) but I just wanted to look a little different? Uh, epic fail! Whatever I do, my look will remain the same for as long as I live.
Anyway, I guess it’s a good attempt! I went from lugay, to half pony and because both looks did not work for me, I went with the usual ponytail! It’s been 2 months since I last let my hair down. But now, thanks to gay hairstylists ( I am not being stereotypical, it's clearly what they are! sorry PMS again.) my outrageous hair wants to remain tied! So, I let it be.
1) I am studying our handouts for Monday’s d-group. Yey, it will be held here!! It’s hard discussing in a mall:
a) sometimes your personal stories have immediate soundtracks, thanks to restaurant radios
b) you always have this fear that you will be asked to leave because it’s time to close the vicinity.
c) people are just instruments of distraction even if they don’t intend to be one! You cannot avoid the couples’ PDAs, loud women chismis, and random weird people around the area. It’s just too much commotion and yes I am that observant. Either that or I get distracted easily.
So anyway, I had the chance to be OC again. I miss my colored pens, ruler, highlighter, post-its! I feel so accomplished whenever I use them for my handouts! Feeling ko, and sipag ko! Haha. Well, effort nga naman kasi mag-highlight at mag-sulat ng mini notes sa margins haha.
And still, I am stuck with the thought whether I should delete my Facebook or not…
