God's power in our weakness

I know I should be sleeping but my daily devotional struck me that I just had to note it down before I start forgetting my realizations. Not that I will but I am just so inspired to write about it. These statements came to life in the pages of my book,“At some point in your life you must decide whether you want to impress people or influence people. Pretentiousness repels but authenticity attracts, and vulnerability is the pathway to intimacy.” For the past years of my life, I have been carrying two personalities and did not know about it. I was either this timid obedient girl or a girl struggling with rebellion inside her heart. I knew I should be neither. God created me with a passion to share about Him and make my life a living testimony of His goodness, both of which I was rarely successful. I recall a friend referring to another friend as someone who lacked personality. Ina (not her real name) told us that Rachel (not her real name) only mimicked the cool personalities of everyone around her, she had no originality, she does not even know who she really is. Sad thing is, I agreed with her full well only to realize that I also saw myself in Rachel’s shoes. I had no originality. Although college has gotten the best of me, it has also brought out the worst in me. I did not stand my ground. I was so scared of my weaknesses that I tried to hide myself in my friends’ worldly lifestyles just to consider myself as someone who belonged to a crowd. I was so scare of being left out to the point that I no longer knew who I was. I am far from perfect and that's how I will always be and I have to accept that. I will never gain everyone’s acceptance and good favor. As a Christian, I know that I will be among those who are banished at the city gates and labeled as those who live bland lives. Knowing such truth, I got so petrified just thinking about it. How can I survive a boring life? I want action, I want the thrill! I only get to live once. My personality is already tasteless and for that, I cannot take living a nondescript life as well! That’s just too much to ask. But this is who I am. This is who I chose to be the moment I accepted Christ into my life. If I choose spice over butter, that will be like a slap on my Savior’s face. Dilemma. I’m just a kid, am I not supposed to enjoy life? I was then reminded of what our pastor told us last Sunday. ”These things can rob you. I want to speak to all the young people this morning here. Don’t believe the lie of the Devil that says, if you come to Christ you’re not going to have fun anymore, that the Lord wants to rob you of your fun. You’re going to experience more joy and more peace and more hope and more direction in your life than anything else you could possibly imagine. If you surrender your life to Jesus Christ, he has an adventure for your life that you could have never imagined in your entire life. Don’t allow sin to rob you of that experience with the Lord.” Our version of fun is different. I guess if people cannot accept that then I am not going to change who I am just to fit other people’s standards. It’s really difficult to accept this. I have been a person who enjoys comparing myself to others. It’s my version of masochism. Night after night, I couldn’t help but cry out to God why He has not blessed me with a job yet only to realize that He has other plans for me. You see, this world has truly distorted our perspective and making us think that success, prestige, popularity and money is the most important thing. But the bible begs to differ. Jesus is the first and only thing that matters in this temporary journey. I know this will make me so weird in other people's eyes. But hey, I choose LOVE over popularity and to influence than to impress. If only other people knew how utterly inexplainable having Him in our lives is. I now bask in the presence of my Maker, I have strayed away for too long again.

I want.

This will match my PPPP-oker Face. Good night everyone.

He hears...

God made me smile through a friend today. The moment I immediately read her message, tears fell from my eyes. Yes, iyakin talaga ako, I just can't help it sometimes hahaha. Had I not read her message, I would probably still be down in the dumps, wallowing in self pity thinking that God has forgotten to bless me with a job. Kapal noh? I know I should not feel this way after everything He has given me! I should be rejoicing despite this immense season of waiting. I was at the brink of giving up when I read her message. I was reminded to remain childlike and believe that God is faithful to those who love Him. I admire this friend of mine so much! She makes me praise God that I have friend like her even though she's logistically distant haha. Labo. Hindi na lang sabihin na nakatira sa ibang bansa haha. Thanks Irish! I admire your life so much! Words cannot express how grateful I am to you, for bringing faith back into my life just when I was about to lose it again. And I quote... "i understand. i'm praying for u, day! i guess we feel the same thing :D ako kasi, pag nalulungkot na ko at naiisip kong di ko mapapractice dito ung CA (CA= 4 years of calvary in college hehe) at na 10 years na, ala pa rin akong work, inaappreciate ko na lang yung mga beautiful things na naeexperience ko everyday. and i thank God that he's teaching me to be appreciative of these things. kakatuwa kasi everyday he does something...like my bonding moments with my parents here. hehe i dont know if this will make u feel better or worse pero sa kin, this works. iniisip ko na pag di ako nagkatrabaho dito sa u.s. or sa pinas or even in my lifetime hahaha, ok lang kasi everything's gonna be fine in heaven. it doesn't matter kung mapahiya ako sa mga taong nag-eexpect so much from me kasi God deserves my shame (haha im not sure with the words basta yan yung thought ). sabi nga ni David, he'll be come more undignified. hehe ayun. haha ang funny kasi kagabi naman, ang naiisip ko, super mahal ako ni God, ayaw niya pa akong mahirapan kakawork kaya di pa niya binibigay yung job for me hahahaha...parang loka-loka lang. basta, isipin mo, we're in this together hahaha...HS musical! hehe...apparently, we're not as patient as we think we are when it comes to God's timing. but surely, there's a valuable lesson after all this. haha ang daldal ko! sabi mo lang ipagpray kita tapos ang dami ko nang sinabi hehe... basta don't worry. God & I got ur back. :D" This will be a lovely sun shining day! Thanks dear sister!