Painful Truth

Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate you the way you should be appreciated. Don’t ever settle for mediocrity, for being just an option, for being the one who’s just fun to be with, for being the one who’s always there desperately waiting, for mere concern or pity, for someone who likes you just because s/he knows s/he’s got the power to break you. Don’t settle because deep down…you know who you are and you know without a doubt that you deserve better if not the best. Recently, I have been reading this countless times, trying to grapple the honesty behind the simple message. Oftentimes I have found myself ensnared in this situation, hoping to get out yet finding myself being sucked deeper and deeper into this small box. It’s depressing because I know I do not deserve certain circumstances, but my stubbornness makes me want to test my limitations. In the end, I allow myself to feel like a worthless failure even though I know I am not. I failed a lot of times before but this is the only struggle wherein I feel like I can no longer fight and get up. I know if I become honest about my situation, my friends would wonder why I am still in this stupid mess in the first place. I miss them. For when I am with them, I forget that I have to deal with my foolish and childish ways. I am not strong. I never was. I just try to be one. I have to. I feel so alone. Behind those ‘haha’s and ‘hehe’s is something so much more.